stolen from Daveamongus' brother.

Because I am bored, have no life of my own and am a snoop... I found this kind of fun.

So, Contessa77, your LiveJournal reveals...

You are... 0% unique and 14% herdlike (partly because you, like everyone else, enjoy rock). When it comes to friends you are desperate. In terms of the way you relate to people, you believe in give and take. Your writing style (based on a recent public entry) is conventional.

Your overall weirdness is: 18

(The average level of weirdness is: 28.
You are weirder than 37% of other LJers.)

Find out what your weirdness level is!
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

For Dave

Since no one else ever reads this it's all about my favourite Marine. Who already knows what to do with it. But on the off chance that someone else reads this... cut and past with your answers in the comments :)

. Do you have a tattoo?
2. How old are you?
3. Are you single or taken?
4. Fish?
5. Do you dream in colour?
6. Ever seen a corpse?
7. How about them hipsters?
8. How did we meet?
9. What's your philosophy on life and death?
10. If you could do anything with me, and have no one know, what would it be?
11. Do you trust the police?
12. Do you like musicals?
13. What is your fondest memory of me?
14. If you could change anything about yourself what would it be?
15. Would you cheat?
16. What are you wearing?
17. Have you ever peed in a pool?
18. Would you hide evidence for me if I asked you to?
19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?
20. Which do you prefer - short or long hair?
21. What's your favorite day of the week?
22. What's your favorite color?
23. If you could bring back anyone that has passed, who would it be?
24. Tell me one interesting/odd fact about you?
25. What was your first impression of me?
26. Have you ever done drugs?
27. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

So I'm a lying sack of crap

Ok, so there is someone that I care about who either doesn't know I exist or prefers to pretend he doesn't know I exist because it's just easier that way. I'll call him Mr. Perfect, even though he's not really because no one is. So Mr. P and I went out to see a friend who's off work on long term disability and I brougth a bottle of the wine my former father in law and I made for the wedding because I'm a fan of irony along with two of it's friends. Mr disabied and I drank quite a bit of the wine but sadly I'm a lightweight and the last class banjaxed me and I was so drunk I had to go sit outside for a few minutes or risk woofing my cookies. After that I decided that Mr. P should drive me home, take my truck and I'll come pick it up tomorrow after work. (btw to make this even more fun we work together) He agreed and while he was driving me home I may have called him the most incredible man I've ever met. Yeah, one of my friends likes to say I'm as subtle as a jack hammer.
You're probably wondering 'why don't you just tell him that you like him' well because I'm scared. I'm scared that he'll sneer and say 'not if you were the last person on earth' I'm scared that he'll be nice and say 'I think of you more like a sister' I'm ever scared that he'll be ok with the idea and I'll get bored with him once the challlenge is gone and have lost a really incredible friend. But mostly I'm scared of scenario 1. and 2. most.
After all of this though what sticks in my head is 'I can't believe I let him take my truck home' if you knew me you'd know that never happens, only the most trusted few have ever driven that truck, my former husband (who you can't say no, you can't drive it I don't trust you) and my former Master (yes Master) have driven that truck. I also felt the need to tell Mr. P that as well. I'd say I need my head examined but since I just went through therapy about leaving my spouse I don't really.
I'm so afraid that I'm not up to par, it sucks. I want him to see that I'm smart, funny, quick, caring, and just all around incredible and I don't know that it'll ever happen. Some days I really hate being me.
  • Current Music
    crappy fan still
  • Tags

Not dead

Not that I feel that I have a following but I decided to post today for the first time in a *very* long time. See the new image? That's my tattoo, that little baby is on the small of my back, you can't read the words but it says Dulce Et Decorum Est, it's from a poem of the same name by Wilfred Owen, The globe's there for two reasons, 1. My name's Terra, which is latin for Earth 2. It's like the line in the poem 'the age old lie 'Dulce Et Decorum Est' The world isn't and honourable but we persist in telling people that it is. Mother Nature's a bitch but we'll keep believing that's not true.

I have recently separated from my husband of a whole whopping year, and am happy to be yet another statistic of failed marriage because it was either leave the poor guy or cheat on him and make him really miserable. Before you ask, no there isn't any one else I've got lined up to cheat on him with (at least not really) but I kept finding myself attracted to men who were most definitely not my husband and drastically unattracted to the one who was. FYI if you think getting married is a mistake, you should keep that in mind and don't do it. Or be ready to hear 'I told you so' a million and one times when the shit goes so sideways you do actually leave.

So I have started 'project fix Terra' not that I'm really broken, but I could use some renovating, step one was tattoo, because I've always wanted one and so now I have one, step two was contacts, well actually step one was contacts but only because I got them first not because they were in order of importance. Step 3, start to look like a girl, this entailed get my eyebrows threaded and tinted (when you're as fair as me you may have eyebrows but they are practically invisible) and frankly if I had to pick between threading and tattooing I'd go with the tattoo, not because it hurt more or less but because it's just a more irritating thing to have done in my opinion. What is threading? It's where someone takes a piece of thread and uses it to rip out your eyebrows, seriously, women pay to have this done. Why? Because we're retards, but I do have to say they look pretty awesome. The look like a girl thing also meant hanging out with girls instead of just the guys and so I've have spent more money on clothes in the last two weeks than I have in my entire life, not counting the wedding dress because how many people wear that to work after the wedding?

Ok, I feel like I'm actually using the LJ to it's full advantage hopefully I don't hate how I sound in this one as much as I hate how I sound in the previous ones, it's ok to sound like a pompous ass in a paper journal where you're the only reader, it's a little more embarrassing when you do it online where any person in the world (with internet of course) could find it.

Oi, the spell checker's American it IS honoUrable you mook!!
  • Current Music
    fan of old crappy computer I took when I left

Boys are stoopid

For my mood I'd also like to add angry, hurt, upset and homicidal. I have a friend, who I have been friends with for a while. We lived together at one point in time and while we didn't date we did occasionally get naked, but that was years ago. Anyhow, my friend, who is male, is dating a girl who is 8 years younger than he is AND is actually dating a friend of his. Now, I know it may not seem like it but I have some pretty strong moral codes and the fact that he has no problem messing around with his friends girlfriend because he believes that she's not 'really' happy with him and is going to break up with him (again) any day now, is wrong. Phew... that was a very long sentence. Now, because we're friends and because he has had no problem with giving me his opinion of every single thing I've done wrong in my relationships and a derogatory opinion of every guy I've dated that he's ever met I feel that I should be able to say 'hey, what are you planning to get out of this relationship, why are you doing this to your friend?' But APPARENTLY that exact wording is rude and I should learn what boundaries are. BOUNDARIES, holy Christ man, I've seen you naked! How many boundaries are there after that. And I've never given him grief about calling me an idiot or the shit that he says about my ex's. I'm so ANGRY. I mean... we've been friends for years and now that I've got an opinion that offends him I'm rude and critical and judgemental. Ok... there's not really any point to this little rant, it is what it is.
  • Current Music
    Third Watch in the background

the joys of being pyschic

So I just spend the evening with my friend Andrew, whom I adore and love spending time with and don't spend enough time with because he's kind of high maintenance and I don't always have the patience for him. But he needed a friend to be around him and worship at the altar of Andrew and I'm always around for a good worship. He's 32, he's single and he just wants to be loved. It doesn't seem like its a lot to ask for but it's so hard to find someone who won't hurt you and it's so hard to try again after someone hurt you. He just left to go and pass out because of the late hour and the fact that he has to work tomorrow but he left feeling so desolate that it kind of trailed after him and now I feel all lonely and desolate even though I have a fiancee and a dog and a house and all the things that people aim for and I just want to curl up in a ball and cry for loneliness that isnt' even mine. Andrew and I have a history and everytime I see him I can't help but think about it. We never dated but we were always there for each other while we were single. This is really the first time that he was single and I wasn't so it's kind of weird. Like we know there's a boundary but we dont' really know what it is. It's funny, when I hug him I remember the Andrew I knew when I was 19 and he was so full of confidence and all that is what I thought was Manly. I still get that feeling from him when he's around. And now he's so tragic, so hurt because he can't date women who don't cheat on him. He's the only man I know who has never dated a woman who didn't cheat on him. How does anyone have luck that bad????

I have never in my live been 'in love' with Andrew but I love him now in the way that someone loves a wounded soldier. It's weird we hung out all night and there's this charge that we both felt but were honour bound not to get into. I thought about it, so did he... On one hand it feels good to feel that energy on the other it's hard, sad, poignant to deny it. He was giving off waves of 'please love me' and it was impossible not to comfort him, hug him, touch his face and hold his hand. I read his cards which just made the feeling more palpable.... His gratitude of having someone around to feel for him was hard to resist. I have to tell myself that this year will be hard for him but that he'll survive it. He's 32 years old, he's survived other years just like this one but now he's starting to actually feel his age and he's worried that time is running out for him. My Andrew is getting old... I remember when he was 25 when I first met him, so cocky and exuding sex. He still does but tinged with dark. I couldn't believe how much sex was in him even tonight. He was so bright... the sun overbearing but so warm and you wanted to be so close to him even after you saw his selfish nature. He is a true leo. I've got his date of birth and time... I promised him a chart I am kind of looking forward to seeing more inside of him.

He shaved off all of his beautiful hair, he has such nice silky brown hair that when I met him he wore conservatively with two earrings... to me Andrew will always exude sex.... he's the epitome of what male sex should be. I got used to the shaved head but am still mourning the loss of what I remember.

No more sadness Andrew... only hope....
  • Current Music
    Phil Collins - another day in paradise

Warning! Psychotic girl ahead

I pity Shane, I'm at the stage in the month where I vaccillate between angry and angrier I actually fantasized about smothering him with his pillow last night after he came to bed at 1am and tossed and turned for an hour. Is that the true meaning of love? Not killing the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with? If it's not it should be.

But seriously, I'm just moody I find I get that way a week before my girl time and the older I get the more moody I seem to get so I go from grumpy to lonely to bored to bitchy in no time flat also not hitting happy, calm or relaxed at any point in the week. I'm sure there's a herbal remedy for all that but I vote for just locking me in a room with my Playstation, a few books and a fully stocked CD case for the week.

To add to the grrrrrness that is me this week I got an icq from Gary, which means that he probably got dumped, (or broke up with the girl du jour) the other odd thing is that it didn't follow a second reply so perhaps there was a reconcilliation. I'm very good about laughing it off and being cynical but it always messes me up when he pokes his head in because I know that nothing good ever comes of it. And then Shane gets all jealous and mean with the 'he never actually cared about you..' bit needless to say he's never actually MET the man and is insanely jealous and honestly I don't blame him, there's bits in me that no one else has touched on an emotional level.

I've used this anaology before but I feel like there's a monsterous rubber band and we're at either end and we can only pull apart so far before we get smacked back together. I've figured out that we're not destined to get back together and I think I'm pretty much ok with that except when Shane does wimpy things that I know Gary wouldn't do (don't lecture me on not comparing it's easier to say than do) But anyhow back to the point... I feel like I need him around, even if I'm not the same person I was when I was 18 (who is really?) We've been through a lot and done a lot of crappy things to each other, but he's one of the few people who really understands me. I need someone to understand me when I'm being psychotic. And I don't need him constantly around but sometimes he's the only person I feel like I can talk to.

On a completely different note, I have been having the most unreal dreams I partly blame my reading material (Marion Zimmer Bradley's Gravelight) it's pretty occult based and a little creepy at times and I'm super sensitive to things like that. Fortunately I haven't been having seriously violent dreams, just surreal. Further proof that I watch too much tv there's been some Gilmore Girl characters popping in and out too... I think I need a better meditation program, it would also help if Shane could hold still for more than two seconds at a time, I swear I've never meet anyone past the age of five who moves around as much as he does! When we buy a house, we're getting a king sized bed!!!

Well... I think that's all I need to be sayin for now.
  • Current Music
    Phil Collins - Trashin the Camp

Nothing new under the sun

Well it's been a mostly uneventful Monday, 25 minutes late for work due to crappy roads and worse drivers, I love Calgary in the winter. The nice thing about working for the government is that no one notices that I'm 25 minutes late for work and if they did they'd say 'roads must be bad hey Terra?' obviously this isn't something you can do on a regular basis but they understand shit happens. The last job I had I was on call and had a company cell phone if I wasn't in the office 15 minutes before 9am my boss was on the phone freaking out.

So... that's my day, oh finished with 70 points in the hockey pool for the weekend, doing alright.
  • Current Music
    Tv in background

My first claim

Hi folks, I'm new here, obviously. I'd like to claim #7 from the San Jose Sharks Brad Stuart. He's from my home town of Rocky Mountain House, Alberta, Canada.